11 months, 4 weeks

Love this kid!

Hair is finally long enough for a full ponytail! She still has a lot of short layers that are growing out but I love putting her hair in a ponytail!
Hello mommy!

My baby is 11 months 4 weeks old. I can't beleive that in 7 days she will be a year old! It has gone by in a flash! Being a mommy has been the best role of my life! She looks so much older in this picture!

Tyler loves playing with her babydolls and books the most! She started walking at 11 months. She says "mama", "dada", "wow", "na na na na"!


Mommy & Me

A face you can' resist! Mommy and I were enjoying breakfas of banana and scrambled eggs!

Mommy & Me!


When You Lose a Baby...or two

You don’t know what to expect.
People surround you. For a couple of weeks. Making sure you are not going to kill yourself, refuse to get out of bed, or start rocking a baby doll like the crazy lady they heard about from a friend.
You get lots of sympathy cards, clearly written and designed to be sent to console a daughter losing her father. Not the other way around.
You get free baby formula in the mail. For months and months and months.
And free baby magazines. And free baby coupons.
You secretly envy every pregnant woman. But not without a tinge of guilt, because you know all too well that she might be one in four- expecting her rainbow child.
It seems like the whole world is expecting a baby.
You have baby stuff around your home. Because you never imagined you wouldn’t need it.
You feel jarred. In the grocery store. At a birthday party. At the dinner table. At Christmas. Driving.
The baby you never knew, but lost changes every part of your life. Every. single. part.
You see baby clothes and it brings tears to your eyes.
You get sick and tired of crying. You never knew it was possible to cry this much.
You find yourself angry at God. Angry at yourself. Just angry.
You sware you can feel them kick but they’re gone. They call them phantom kicks. I call them painful, all kinds of painful. But sweet too.
You know, or you have a strong feeling of knowing what your child would have looked like, and been like. You see a child in the store, or on the street. Their hair color, dimples, smile, their personality and suddenly you are reminded of your child. You miss your child even more, if that’s even possible.
Your Babies R’ Us Registry is still active. There is no delete button on their site. The babies r’ us people don’t make a dime on people like us. Why bother right? You have to call them, plead with them to remove your freaking’ registry, because there will be no baby shower. There is an awkward silence. There is sadness. There will be no baby.
You get hospital bills about 3-4 months after you buried your child. You have to pay for the baby you delivered but didn’t bring home.
You find that moment of happiness in life for the first time, but the guilt swallows it up almost immediately.
You remember the size of the casket. The size of the plot. The face of the funeral director. The expression of those that attended the funeral. The feeling of raw pain, like your chest has literally been ripped open.
Somehow you convince yourself that you deserve happiness. Because you really do. But in the happiest, purest moment, there is still that hole that only they were meant to fill.
People compare your pain to their own pain. The loss of their grandmother, husband, their failed marriage, rebellious teenagers. Somehow this comparing leaves you stranded. If they can compare their pain of a situation to the loss of your BABY, they will likely never get it. Babies are not supposed to die. End of story.
You lost a dream. And it almost feels like you imagined their entire existence up. Their name becomes a distant memory on the lips of others.
There is awkwardness when you talk about your child in a crowd. No one knows whether to cry, walk away or pretend you never brought him or her up.
You lose friends. You find new ones.
You can’t believe that women have actually survived this and you never knew about it. Not really, anyway.
You would do anything for another minute with your child.
You cry when others bring up your child, not so much because it hurts but more so because it such a precious and rare gift.
You long for the rewind button, even after many many instances of acceptance.
You want to know what went wrong, and why…
You find a new appreciation for moments in life that make you laugh… you laugh harder and love stronger.
You know that you can die bitter, or die thankful. There is no in between.
You never ever, EVER get over your child. The one you hoped for, prayed for, carried and loved for the weeks and months they were with you.
You learn to live with the pain.
You are better for having known them at all.


Playing with Emma & Braxton

Hanging out with the Magee's

We had so much fun with Emma & Braxton came to play Friday night! Their mommy & daddy got to go out on the town! We had a fun time playing and eating our snack and getting ready for bed! Tyler loves her bestfriends!

Spider pig...spider pig....does whatever a spiderpig does.... quote from Homer Simpson
Braxton & Tyler playing blocks
Emma & Mr. Monkey (her lovey)

Emma is such a big girl....walking like an old pro!

Braxton & Emma exploring in the toy basket!


Slow Me Down, Lord

Ease the pounding of my heart by the quieting of my mind. Steady my hurried pace. Give me, amidst the day's confusion, the calmness of the everlasting hills.
Break the tensions of my nerves and muscles with the soothing music of singing streams that live in my memory.
Help me to know the magical, restoring power of sleep. Teach me the art of taking "minute vacations"... slowing down to look at a flower, to chat with a friend, to read a few lines from a good book.
Remind me of the fable of the hare and the tortoise; that the race is not always to the swift; that there is more to life than measuring its speed.
Let me look up at the branches of the towering oak and know that it grew slowly and well. Inspire me to send my own roots down deep into the soil of life's endearing values ... that I may grow toward the stars of my greater destiny.

Slow me down, Lord.

{Wilferd Arlan Peterson}


Tyler & Braxton

Braxton taking Tyler along on a car ride!


80's Flashback

Sweater dress, leggings, side ponytail, and a slinky

This is Tyler's way of carrying things with her when she crawls. She has developed the talent of carrying just about anything in her mouth while she crawls along.

Mom....I have forgotten what you look like without a camera in front of your face!